Monday, October 29, 2012
A Clown and Cheesy Man Crush
Keeping in the Halloween spirit, I’m sort of leaving off from my previous post. About 10 years ago, life change unexpectedly. It’s not something I planned, but looking back on Halloween Night 2002, life took its course and I was never the same.
I didn't join the Marines, I dressed up as a creepy S&M Clown. The image pictured here is a photo from that fateful Halloween Night. I don’t recall where the idea came from, but what I most remember is waiting in line at Trader Joes on 3rd and La Brea and realizing that everyone around me refused to look at me standing in front of them. It’s like they didn’t want to acknowledge the reality of it all. Why? I wondered. And though I have always questioned human behavior, that moment has stayed fresh in my mind. Were they afraid of seeing something within themselves? Possibly, a darkness? A reflection of something unknown or too close to home?
A few days later after having the photos developed, even I found myself a little disturbing. Thankfully, something great came from it and I have since done my self portraits as a clown. Any red circle/ ball is me. I even wear a necklace of this red ball around my neck to remind me that it's OK to be different. It's OK to embrace our darkness.
After a few days of not feeling 100%, I’m feeling a whole lot better. And since I haven’t had a TV for the past couple of months, I spent my down time watching ‘stuff’ online. I'm all caught up with CBS's hit show Hawaii Five O. I have to admit that I have a big cheesy man crush on Alex O’Loughlin. It’s not his masculine energy, his beautiful body or his tattoos that I’m attracted to. It’s his eyes that I’m drawn to. I think they’re beautiful! It’s someone’s eyes that draw me to him or her. They reveal everything.It's where I find connection.
I wonder what my own eyes reveal? Are the windows to my soul clear? I hope so.
Tonight, enjoy our most beautiful moon. Oh and P.S. I’m having my first ever astrology reading. I’m curious, excited, and even a little nervous.